Poetic Tragedy
by Lionheart1
Summary: One Shot Song Fic! Seifer thinks about life since he is released from jail for helping the sorceress three years ago. Can people really move on with their lives? What happens when you can't move on from the past? I suck at summaries! Please read and revi


Disclaimer: All characters and Final Fantasy VIII belong to SquareEnix. The song 'Poetic Tragedy' belongs to The Used. I'm a poor 16-year-old girl, I own nothing!  
  
Poetic Tragedy  
  
Life. One simple word with a million meanings. Every person goes down this same road called life, each one having different obstacles thrown in their way. We all chose different paths, not always sure, which is the right path to choose. Life is one long road splitting off into different sections, throwing different decisions at us to choose from. One simple word, with a million paths. Life.  
  
We go into this world alone and go out of it alone. Why depend on others? In the end, they're not going to hold you're hand when you leave this world. No one will be there in the end, but still we depend on others. It's all we can do. Like a key for survival somewhere between living and dying.  
  
I never have believed in fate. I like to think I can control my own life and make my own decisions. The thought that my life is already planned out doesn't make life worth living. There is no fate. I know that. If you cut deep enough into your skin, you can make yourself bleed. Knowing that you could easily jump out of a high window and end your life. You control your own life and make your own decisions. That is no fate.  
  
Still, in the end I ended up having a few close people. Two close friends who were always with me. They were like my family. Right until things went too far, but they made their own decision. To help me. Even when I left them. Maybe I could thank them for helping me one day. Maybe.  
  
_The cup is not half empty as pessimists say  
  
As far as he sees nothing's left in the cup _

_A whole cup of nothing for him to indulge_

_ Since the voice of ambition has long since been shut up  
_  
The night sky was turning a lighter shade of blue in the distance signalling it would soon be turning light. The sounds of the waves crashing against the sand filled my ears and momentarily I was distracted from my thoughts. It should be relaxing. It should calm me down, but right now, it makes me feel sick. Being here is supposed to make me feel better, it's supposed to be something to clear my mind but it's only making me think even more.  
  
I guess being stuck in the prison for the last three years hasn't done me any good. You should have sentenced me to death. I can remember all these soldiers coming at me, holding me down and locking me away in the darkness. I think I must have been trapped in there for a few days, until you came back. So I had stayed locked inside that small room. That silent, dark room which they locked the Sorceress' Knight in. My romantic dream over.  
  
I stayed in there silent and waiting until you came back, then I could have my destiny. The light burned my eyes when they dragged me out and took me to you. You simply stood there staring at me. Your eyes, I'd never seen that look before. Regret? Pity? Whatever it was, it made you turn away and order that they don't give me a death sentence. Three years inside a prison for being a Sorceress' Knight, it's an insult.  
  
For the last three years that scene has played over and over in my mind, that look in your eyes haunted my dreams. The same question still running through my head, 'Why?' No answer ever came as I sat there in solitude for three years. Now three years have passed and I was released a week ago today.  
  
Simple. Life goes on. People aren't the same anymore. For three years in solitude I lay unaware of what was happening in the rest of the world. People no longer live in fear; they rebuilt what they lost before, and visit those who died. I remember that day I walked through the streets of Dollet, where I took my field exam. People stared at me in silence momentarily, for a slight moment I saw the fear spread through their eyes. They still think of me as someone to fear. At first it was only one or two people, then more stopped what they were doing and stood still staring at me. Then there was the most horrible sound that followed. Silence.  
  
_A singer, a writer, he's not dreaming now of going nowhere  
  
He gave heed to nothing, and all that he was... _

_Is just a tragedy_  
  
No screaming children or families. No laughter or talking. Just silence. The feeling that I didn't belong. Everywhere I have been I get the same sort of reaction. Sometimes people shout abuse; tell me what pain I caused them and their family. Who I helped kill. Their fear doesn't stop them speaking their minds anymore. They no longer fear me. I fear them. Everything I built up has been lost and forgotten in time.  
  
Once again I stop in my thoughts to listen to the waves. I stand from my sitting position on a rock and take a walk leading up towards a cliff above the sea. I was supposed to use this chance to start again, but I've ended up standing still in time. Still holding the days when I was a Knight close to me. Even further back, I dream of the days when I held Rinoa in my arms, even though I know she is now with Squall. In my mind I can see her stood next to me, her delicate porcelain face comforting me as I make my way through the days to come. Telling me it'll be all right when the people stop and stare. Why must they always stare? I have been forbidden to go to Balamb Garden, if I do, I will be placed back into prison. Back inside that small, dark room. My two friends are in Balamb Garden, kept away from me.  
  
_So he voyages in circles  
  
Succeeds getting nowhere _

_And submits to the substance  
  
That first got him there  
_  
The days when I had Rinoa were the best days of my life. I'll admit I never really cared for such things as love. My love was through battle. I may have never succeeded in becoming a SeeD, but I was always dedicated to fighting. As long as I could fight, I didn't need love from a female. Rinoa is the sort of girl that could get any man. Whenever she was around, she acted so carefree. Sometimes when I was with her, I forgot about my passion of fighting, and only thought of her. Sometimes. She was the only one that I could be myself around. She was willing to get to know me. We all make mistakes, which is why you have her now.  
  
I clench my fists tightly as a thought runs through my mind. I see myself looking at you after being dragged out of that dark and silent room which I was locked in. I remember seeing your face. That look in your eye. What was that look? Regret? Pity? You knew that you are following the same footsteps as me. Rinoa is now a Sorceress, you're her Knight. A Knight is supposed to protect the Sorceress.  
  
So many thoughts were coming through my mind at the same time they became distorted. Yet I know the truth. That look. What if Rinoa becomes twisted like Ultemicia? What if she manipulates you? Your eyes. Fear. Pity. You knew that you were going to do the same as me. Protect your Sorceress, even though SeeD is supposed to kill the sorceress. In that moment you realised that we were going to turn out the same, that we are both going to stand by our Sorceress' and be a loyal Knight. You had felt that little bit of regret and knew you would feel guilty killing me. So you spare my life, to make yourself feel better and be the _nice_ commander you are. You couldn't look me in the eye as you did it, which is why you turned away, but you did it anyway.  
  
I had to stop my thoughts; I knew that wasn't all correct. You didn't spare my life for yourself, I thought, as I remember seeing someone looking through that glass plane in the door. Rinoa. Why hadn't I ever really noticed Rinoa there before? She isn't like us, she doesn't fight for orders, she fights for her reasons. I know I didn't treat Rinoa right, but I leant that much from her. She wouldn't want me to be sentenced to death. That's what I love about her, she's so innocent. So naïve in these situations.  
  
The scene played through my head once more. I was right; she had been there with you. I know you, you do everything by the book, you wouldn't spare my life like that for any reason. You spared it for love out of Rinoa. You love Rinoa. When you turned away, it was to look at her; it was then that you had ordered them not to kill me. The entire world wants me dead, Garden had arranged for me to be killed after the Sorceress had been defeated, but at the last minute you pulled out. All because Rinoa told you to. You love her that much.  
  
Suddenly it became hard to breath. I knew Rinoa and Squall were together and that Rinoa was in love with him, but seeing him doing something like that for the one he loved proves too much to me. All of my life has been a battle with you. You got to be the SeeD who everyone tries to idol. You were always Cid's favourite. You proved yourself and everyone respects you. People chose you over me. Rinoa loves you. Every battle through our lives you have won. What do people think of me? I clenched my fists tighter and felt my nails pierce my skin. A sick feeling came deep within my stomach. I screamed. Hoping someone would hear.  
  
_Then in violent frustration, he cries out to God or just no one  
  
Is there a point to this madness and all that he was...  
  
Is just a tragedy  
_  
Put in the same situations we both took different routes. You took the route where people show attention to respect you. You follow orders by your masters. I take the routes where people show attention to me through their fear. It's my way of feeling superior. It's my way of gaining respect. I follow the orders of whom I want. The routes I take are always wrong. You have people around you now who can guide you. Now I'm all alone with no one to bring fear to.  
  
_He feels alone  
  
His heart in his hand he's alone _

_He feels alone  
_  
When you gave me that chance to live, it destroyed my life. In that time when I was kept in solitude people moved on with their lives while I was still stuck in the past. There is no one left to fear me now. No one left to respect me now. Everything I learnt to depend on has been taken away.  
  
_I feel...  
_  
This is so much worse than taking my life away. At least I would have died in a time where people would fear me. What do people think of me now? Children laugh at me. Town people shout abuse at me. Poor people glare. There is no more fear, just hate.  
  
Fate is cruel. I cringe at that word, _fate_. There is no fate. I was supposed to be a good SeeD like Squall but I made my own fate. I chose my own romantic dream. Now fate has taken it's control of me again, now I must live a normal life and build my life up again like everyone else who was affected during the Sorceress war.  
  
I look up to the sky and see the sea below me. I'm at the cliff edge. Seifer. Once a Sorceress' Knight. People used to fear me. Even in Garden some people would walk the other way just to avoid me. Now I'm nothing. Everyday I feel myself getting weaker. Another scream comes out of my mouth. It's my way of proving that I am still that strong Knight.  
  
I close my eyes. For once, I wish I could go back in time to that day. The day when I was dragged out of that dark cell and into the blinding light. The time I faced you and saw the love for Rinoa in your eyes. You look at me, knowing that we are in the same situation. You will be a Sorceress Knight. The look tells me that you are doing it for my sake; I tried to help the Sorceress gain Time Compression. I was the one who showed you my romantic dream. I attacked you for my Sorceress. Slowly your body turns away from me and I see Rinoa staring at you through the glass. This is the time where you stop in your trail of thoughts. Then order my death.  
  
I open my eyes just in time to witness the fierce ocean closing in on me.  
  
_Then on the last day he breaks  
  
And he stood tall _

_And he yells...and he takes his own life_

__

  
Authors note: Okay, I know you probably hate me for writing this and think it sucks, but please let me explain. I don't exactly know how this story came around; I just wanted to write something deep about Seifer because he's a character I've never really written about before. It was a challenge, and I ended up wanting to break him down slowly. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and changed it hundreds of times, so I hope the final outcome of this has made sense... hopefully. Please be kind and don't flame me too badly! 


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